It's just emotion...

takin' me over. Can you hear the song in your head? Sorry, I don't know who sings it. I've been emotional today, more than usual. Could be the fact that I tossed and turned for 2 hours last night before finally admitting I needed to take some Advil or it could be that I had an OB/GYN appointment today to start trying to get pregnant. JT and I have agreed that we'd like to begin trying in April. So, I went in to determine when to get off the pill (at the end of this week), when to lower my anti-anxiety meds (after my first full-fledged period or a little bit before), when to start taking prenatal vitamins (today), have blood drawn to test for anything that might impact a fetus (STDs), get weighed (we're NOT going there), pick up an ovulation planner, and...well, I guess that's it. Ok, I'm sure the latter is the reason for my emotions being a bit keyed up. I mean, it's a big thing we're planning here. So much to think about, to be hopeful and excited about! So, the plan is in the works. I can't believe we're really doing this :)

Sometimes, I worry that this world is too crazy. But, I think people have been worried about that since the beginning of time :) I don't worry about what type of parents we'll be or any of the stuff we can't control, like timing and work. I do worry a bit about taking meds while pregnant but the truth is, and all my doctors agree, that I would not be a healthy person off my meds. My anxiety could go through the roof and cause panic attacks or severe depression. Before this medication, I was too thin b/c anxiety makes it so I can't eat. That's can't be could for a baby, right? So, we'll do what we need to do and keep a close eye on me. They have all also been informed to monitor for PPD. My mother had it SEVERLY and we're not taking any chances. I also read a study that the majority of women with OCD and anxiety experience a 90% increase in their symptoms after giving birth. My mom will be here for the first two (or more) weeks after the birth...just to make sure I don't go through what she went through. I've seen pictures of her right after my birth and she just looks "gone". It breaks my heart!

I think Basil is picking up on my emotions b/c he's extra jumpy tonight. Such a sensitive pup! Well, I off to read a good book, cut out some inspirational pieces for scrapping, and get ready for tomorrow :)